Future · Real Life

I am Incredibly Lucky

Everyone in my life has been so supportive of me. I hope I never forget how it feels to hear such encouragement from the people around me. Because sometimes I feel like I’m fucking crazy.

Q: So what is your plan for after college?

A: Well, I’m going to Europe this summer and then I’m going to move to New York.

Q: Aaaaannnd?

A: That’s… That’s about as far as I’ve gotten.

My plan right now is to go up and see what happens. I mean, I do have a little bit more a fail safe. I will stay with my uncle until I can get on my feet with whatever job I can find. Really, I’m controlling the only thing I can control: where I’m going. And that’s about it. I have no idea what I’m going to be doing for income, if I’ll be able to travel for dancing at all once I get up there, if the dance scene will be welcoming.

All I really want is to (a) like the people that I work with (because even the most miserable job can be bearable if you like your coworkers/boss) OR like what I do (because even the most miserable coworkers can be bearable if you like your job), (b) dance and (c) travel.

And that’s it! I think I could survive if I could do two out these three things, but ask me to choose one…

I just keep on reminding myself that nothing is permanent. That if I end up (God forbid) in a place where I hate my job, I can’t dance and I can’t travel, it is only until I find a way. But it’s still scary.

I friends who seem to be figuring it out left and right. Grad schools, internships, jobs. They’re already off to doing amazing things.

Me? It’s still a big blur.

And I’m the one that’s leaving again. It’s been a while, since 2006. But I know what’s coming, and I don’t think that makes it any easier. The feeling that everyone’s just going to keep going with their lives, create stronger bonds post about their adventures. They might send me messages for a few months, but in the end it will fade. And the close relationships that have developed will be reduced to “catching up” phone calls and likes on Facebook pages.

Wow, that got depressing.

I guess it just needed to be said because I feel a lot better. I guess this is just more incentive to keep blogging.

And I just have to remember that I have family and friends that love me, and support me, and if I have that I can do anything.

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