Blog · Feelings · Undergrad

Going Through the Motions

Today’s theme song is brought to you by Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Some humor to alleviate an otherwise fairly blah entry.

There are at least two entries that I will never publish. One day I might delete them, but for now I’ll let them hang out in WordPress purgatory.

I said some pretty hurtful and nasty things about some people, including myself. There are a lot of feelings poured into those entries that are for private use only. After two, however, I do feel like I need to make some statement; publicly acknowledge them so they get some peace.

It’s been a rough semester. Hell, it’s been a rough 2013. Not that it’s been all Hell and now Heaven. On the contrary, I have never been so thankful in my life for those in it: friends and family mostly. I’ve been the most honest these past few months than I have for the whole of some of these relationships and it has only served to make these bonds stronger.

Still, I am human and am allowed to be weak, something that is very difficult for me.

For a terrifying twenty-four hours I saw my impending graduation in danger. It ended up being a failure of communication more than anything (stressing, once more, it’s not redundant if it’s really important), but in those twenty-four hours I let myself, for the first time in a very long time, get honestly angry.

And it felt good. An honest release of emotions. Now, with everything more clearly laid out in front of me than it has been in a while, I feel like I can finally sleep through the night without waking up half way through, feeling like I’ve forgotten something important.

Even though my To-Do List remains staggeringly long, it somehow feels smaller, less of a mountain.

I can do this. I will do this. And soon a very important chapter in my life will be brought to a close. I will be sad that it’s over, but still be able to look ahead with hope in my heart and confidence in myself to navigate the unclear waters of my future.

One thought on “Going Through the Motions

  1. And that, my dear, the ability to look towards your future with confidence in yourself, is all that matters.

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