Occasionally, I do remember that this blog exists. Especially when WordPress emails me to pay for another year of owning nicolezonnenberg.com. And I renew it because I tell myself that I will use it more the next year; that it’s one of the first things that pops up when I google myself*; I am actually proud of some of the things I have written in the past.
Examples of things that I am proud to have written:
- This blog has maintained a relatively steady stream of visitors despite my having not posted anything new or regularly. It turns out when you google ‘speech for my dad’s wedding’ my blog post is either the first or second result! Which is insane!Because (as I state in the note before the speech), when I googled similar things to help me write that speech, I found little to know help. (Most if not all of the speeches were from son to father, and focused on that specific relationship.)
I like to think that my speech has inspired others in a difficult but important part of other weddings. (Also, you’re welcome for that joke at the beginning. 😉 )
- Another post that I personally return to frequently is my A Contribution to the Discussion of Sexual Harassment in the Swing Dance Community. Unfortunately this is still a hot topic today in the swing dance community, with another very prominent figure being outed as a serial rapist. However, this time I feel the response was more swift, the community more vocal, and continuing the conversation of the need for safe spaces in the community.
I am glad that I wrote this when I did. I do not really have anything else to add personally to the conversation besides support and I don’t think I could have written the same post now. It’s been referenced as a resource for scenes either building or encouraging Codes of Conduct. And ultimately, I am just glad to have meaningfully contributed to the conversation.
- And finally, a post that I never thought would get more than a brief nod when I posted that then recede into the archives like a footnote was A Song I Am Obsessed With: ‘To the Top’ by Twin Shadow. And yet, when you google any variation of ‘what does to the top mean’ or ‘twin shadow’s to the top’ my blog post shows up!**
Don’t know why my off-the-cuff analysis of these (still nonsensical to me) lyrics is considered super relevant. But it’s good to know that enough people are equally confused about it.
What am I doing now?
When I started this blog (when it was still titled Swinging on Sunshine), it was a travel blog. Because every year from 2011 through 2013 I traveled abroad and wanted to keep people aware of my adventures. (Instead of keeping track of several email correspondences that said the same thing on my end.)
The reality is is that I have not traveled nearly as much since I moved to Baltimore in 2014. And there are many reasons for that: I was trying to figure out what to do with my life; I was trying to figure out how to be financially independent; I was consistently working on self-improvement (which got a lot easier with health insurance and therapy). There were also a lot of obstacles I personally had to overcome when addressing all of what I just listed.***
Basically, a lot of stuff that I was not comfortable sharing on such a public platform. This blog (after being a travel blog) existed as an outlet for my inner dialogue. And my inner dialogue was very insecure.◊
Now, or at least recently, I’ve been in a more comforting place. And that’s thanks to therapy, a lot of self-introspection, continually working and building a strong network of friends, and being honest with my limitations as a human being.
Too infinity… or at least to the near future:
So what now? I’ve basically admitted I’m flawed and still not completely comfortable with that. But I want to do things. I want to create more. (I’ve been writing more, but could still do better.♠) And this blog exists. Which I just remembered thanks to a friend’s post on Facebook wishing that they could finish blog posts.
So yes. I will definitely/maybe/in a blue moon post again (soon?).
I have ideas.
* – Will “google” as verb ever not sound dirty?
** – Yes, I do realize that all of my posts-that-I-am-proud-of are also ones that have gotten relatively significant attention. I am human and crave recognition and affirmation, after all.
*** – I say “had to overcome” like a task I had completed, but I am still overcoming. It is something that I don’t think will ever end.
◊ – And let’s be honest, they’re still somewhat insecure. It’s a constant battle of wills. As I am sure it is for many people.
♠ – Could Still Do Better would/should be the title of not just mine but multiple (auto)biographies.